No, the two didn't happen at the same time. Although they could have.
We explained to my Dad and Stepmom our decision to elope instead of a big wedding. They were very respectful and understanding of our choice. I am very grateful they were so cool about it. They also offered some advice in the way of how to tell other people about our news. Ignore everyone. They told us to just tell them if we want to but it's our lives and we should handle it how we see fit. So I told my bridesmaids (well 2 of them so far) and that's it. Mom already sort of knows about and I'm sure she's already told everyone else. She made it easier on me in the end.
Now, we can focus on getting out debt and the wedding/marriage part can come whenever we want. No more annoying questions about plans. I am so relieved.
Oh and I turned 36 yesterday. So, that happened.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Weight loss in all its forms...
Debating whether or not to start Weight Watchers again. I've had success with the program in the past, I'm just not sure I can afford it. I really need to figure out how to get in some form of exercise. We don't have a pool here and there isn't one anywhere nearby. Beyond that, I can't walk for very long and everything else is far too strenuous. Maybe I'll bust out my Just My Size Yoga DVD again and see if that works. At least something to get my heart rate up, even for just a few minutes every day.
As for eating, I've been pretty good lately anyway. I lost 60 pounds shortly after the Diabetes diagnosis, July 2011. Ever since then it's been a pretty steady number (not a number I am proud of at all). However, the most frustrating thing about my personal weight loss journey is that in losing 60 pounds I did not change my size. How is that some people can lose 60 pounds and a bazillion inches and go down 8 dress sizes but I lose the same amount of weight and I can still barely fit into the same size pants I owned at my heaviest. I think this a cruel joke perpetuated by the plus-size clothing industry. They get you in the store and boast of being able to get you into anything and then you finally find something you like but they never (and I do mean NEVER) have it in your size. So you have to decide if it's better to buy in a bigger size and hope it shrinks in the wash or a smaller size and how it fits when you've lost more weight. Yeah, I always go bigger because I know my body. The next size down won't fit until I lose another 50 pounds putting my total weight loss at over 100 pounds. Again, how is that fair/possible?
And so I beat myself up over how I bad I let my weight get. Yet, I do nothing to solve the problem. I read of friends who have had the surgery done (which I refuse to do) and always find it interesting that post surgery they are eating exactly what they would be eating if they had just changed their lifestyle to lose the weight the natural way. The weight loss results will take about the same amount of time, you won't need additional surgeries for removal of the extra skin AND you're not out $20K or more for the surgery in the first place. At the same time, if you think it's the route for you, I say go for it. It's just not for me. I am 100% supportive of friends/family members who chose this option. Again, it's just not for me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, Weight Watchers. I found a few web sites that may be able to help me do the bulk of the program on the cheap/fee. This sounds like a plan to me. Plus, maybe I can get the HF to do it with me so we can be each other's accountability partners. We'll see.
Now I want a donut.
As for eating, I've been pretty good lately anyway. I lost 60 pounds shortly after the Diabetes diagnosis, July 2011. Ever since then it's been a pretty steady number (not a number I am proud of at all). However, the most frustrating thing about my personal weight loss journey is that in losing 60 pounds I did not change my size. How is that some people can lose 60 pounds and a bazillion inches and go down 8 dress sizes but I lose the same amount of weight and I can still barely fit into the same size pants I owned at my heaviest. I think this a cruel joke perpetuated by the plus-size clothing industry. They get you in the store and boast of being able to get you into anything and then you finally find something you like but they never (and I do mean NEVER) have it in your size. So you have to decide if it's better to buy in a bigger size and hope it shrinks in the wash or a smaller size and how it fits when you've lost more weight. Yeah, I always go bigger because I know my body. The next size down won't fit until I lose another 50 pounds putting my total weight loss at over 100 pounds. Again, how is that fair/possible?
And so I beat myself up over how I bad I let my weight get. Yet, I do nothing to solve the problem. I read of friends who have had the surgery done (which I refuse to do) and always find it interesting that post surgery they are eating exactly what they would be eating if they had just changed their lifestyle to lose the weight the natural way. The weight loss results will take about the same amount of time, you won't need additional surgeries for removal of the extra skin AND you're not out $20K or more for the surgery in the first place. At the same time, if you think it's the route for you, I say go for it. It's just not for me. I am 100% supportive of friends/family members who chose this option. Again, it's just not for me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, Weight Watchers. I found a few web sites that may be able to help me do the bulk of the program on the cheap/fee. This sounds like a plan to me. Plus, maybe I can get the HF to do it with me so we can be each other's accountability partners. We'll see.
Now I want a donut.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
To wed or not to wed (aka elope)...
I'm feeling very conflicted these days. A little less than a year ago (January 23, 2012) FH proposed and we immediately set into motion the plans of a sweet little wedding at a local movie theater. We had all these great ideas, picked our wedding party and had settled on almost all details.
Then because I can't seem to ever shut off my brain, I started thinking about our finances and how we just can't seem to get out of this little bit of debt we're in. I remembered a conversation with my Dad when we first announced our engagement that involved him offering us money to elope (if we chose to do so, he was not suggesting we go through with it, just throwing out an idea). This started sounding really good to us, given that we could take that money, get rid of the debt that is driving us mad the last few months, get married whenever and however we wanted and then well, be married.
But as I've given it more and more thought, I really can't decide. Will I later regret that I didn't have a wedding that involved everyone I know in one place dancing and eating the food I specifically picked out for the occasion? And then I think about how less stressful it would be to elope. I wouldn't have to hear for the 1,000th time how to handle any aspect of the wedding planning or listen to the ladies in my life who don't even have a wedding to plan talk about what they would do if they were getting married. Seriously? It's my wedding, NOT yours. We can talk about yours when you have the ring, okay?
Yeah, I'm definitely leaning toward elopement. It's the sane thing to do.
Then because I can't seem to ever shut off my brain, I started thinking about our finances and how we just can't seem to get out of this little bit of debt we're in. I remembered a conversation with my Dad when we first announced our engagement that involved him offering us money to elope (if we chose to do so, he was not suggesting we go through with it, just throwing out an idea). This started sounding really good to us, given that we could take that money, get rid of the debt that is driving us mad the last few months, get married whenever and however we wanted and then well, be married.
But as I've given it more and more thought, I really can't decide. Will I later regret that I didn't have a wedding that involved everyone I know in one place dancing and eating the food I specifically picked out for the occasion? And then I think about how less stressful it would be to elope. I wouldn't have to hear for the 1,000th time how to handle any aspect of the wedding planning or listen to the ladies in my life who don't even have a wedding to plan talk about what they would do if they were getting married. Seriously? It's my wedding, NOT yours. We can talk about yours when you have the ring, okay?
Yeah, I'm definitely leaning toward elopement. It's the sane thing to do.
Friday, January 4, 2013
What a concept...
For the last few years, I've noticed I have become more and more self absorbed. This comes from my life as an only child. I always got what I wanted, when I wanted it and no one ever said no to me.
Until now. I'm learning a lot about rejection, loneliness and how to focus on someone other than myself.
In the new year, I've decided to try my hand at volunteering. For the last several years, I've been a big supporter of the Komen Foundation and it's work toward finding a cure for breast cancer. I intend to look into helping out with the Race for the Cure which happens in Dallas each October/November. But before that time, I will come up with other ways to volunteer. Perhaps at the library since I'm such a bibliophile.
As for the self absorption. I tested my personal theory today when talking to a close friend/co-worker. She was telling a story of a situation with her brother and future sister-in-law. Instead of just listening to her to the tell the story and offer advice (if asked) I chose to do what I always do. Relay my own stories of similar value (at least to me). This always ends up with the other person never really getting to their point. As someone who detests being interrupted, you would think I would never do this. But when you're self-centered, you don't care what other people think.
But now I do. It's time for me to actively listen and stop coming up with ways to keep talking about myself or my own stories. This is going to be a very difficult habit to break but a necessary one. I look forward to the results. I intend to reprimand myself if I stray even slightly because even as I am writing this, I realize just how badly this needs to change.
Until now. I'm learning a lot about rejection, loneliness and how to focus on someone other than myself.
In the new year, I've decided to try my hand at volunteering. For the last several years, I've been a big supporter of the Komen Foundation and it's work toward finding a cure for breast cancer. I intend to look into helping out with the Race for the Cure which happens in Dallas each October/November. But before that time, I will come up with other ways to volunteer. Perhaps at the library since I'm such a bibliophile.
As for the self absorption. I tested my personal theory today when talking to a close friend/co-worker. She was telling a story of a situation with her brother and future sister-in-law. Instead of just listening to her to the tell the story and offer advice (if asked) I chose to do what I always do. Relay my own stories of similar value (at least to me). This always ends up with the other person never really getting to their point. As someone who detests being interrupted, you would think I would never do this. But when you're self-centered, you don't care what other people think.
But now I do. It's time for me to actively listen and stop coming up with ways to keep talking about myself or my own stories. This is going to be a very difficult habit to break but a necessary one. I look forward to the results. I intend to reprimand myself if I stray even slightly because even as I am writing this, I realize just how badly this needs to change.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Laugh out loud!!!
Started reading Bossypants by Tina Fey and so far a hilarious book. I sometimes wish I was more like her. Then I think to myself I used to be just like her. Whatever happened to that funny girl? I think she died with Grandpa back in 2001. And I seriously need to get over that.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2012 - A Year in Review (a little late)...
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before
Tried sushi (always said I never would).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No I didn't and I don't make resolutions anymore. I set goals and do my best to achieve them for me and only me.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. That was in 2011, the birth of Ryan (my niece).
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. FH's uncle, Lyn passed away a few months ago.
5. What countries did you visit?
Nowhere, sadly, we can't afford to travel.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Enough money to pay the bills and have plenty to spare to actually have a life and not stress out.
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
January 23rd because that's when FH proposed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting engaged and making the decision to be debt-free before our wedding.
9. What was your biggest failure
Not making enough money to pay the bills properly.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Sort of, dealing with a Diabetes diagnosis in 2011.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
2008 Dodge Caliber so FH could drive the Kia to work.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ours because we finally made some adult decisions in the last few weeks.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed
I refuse to name names but I am very disappointed in my family right now.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and restaurants. Sadly, we go out waaaay too much.
15. What did you really, really, really get excited about?
Getting married. Until we realized getting out of debt is priority #1.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Anything by Rhianna because I can't stand her or 2012.
17. Compared to this time last year are you:
Happier? Happy with my love but not my life.
Thinner? Don't care about my weight. I'm healthy.
Richer? Much poorer and sick about it.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Saved money and put it toward the big bills.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Going out to eat. Spend money anywhere.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I sat miserably watching everyone else open gifts.
21. How did you spend new years?
Played Cards Against Humanity with my roommates and friends.
22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Still in love with the same guy from 2011.
23. How many one-night stand
0
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Revenge
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I hate no one.
26. What was the best book you read?
11/22/63 by Stephen King
27. What was your biggest musical discovery?
Florence and the Machine
28. What did you want and you got?
Pink engagement ring.
29. What did you want and not get?
Debt free
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pitch Perfect
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
Maggiano's dinner with FH.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Paying off our loans.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
I have none.
34. What kept you sane?
FH.
35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Patrick Dempsey
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Blah
37. Who did you miss?
My grandparents
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Jill (haven't met in person yet)
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?
That you can't trust people.
40. Quote or Song Lyric that sums up your year:
You can't always get what you want...
Tried sushi (always said I never would).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No I didn't and I don't make resolutions anymore. I set goals and do my best to achieve them for me and only me.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. That was in 2011, the birth of Ryan (my niece).
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. FH's uncle, Lyn passed away a few months ago.
5. What countries did you visit?
Nowhere, sadly, we can't afford to travel.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Enough money to pay the bills and have plenty to spare to actually have a life and not stress out.
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
January 23rd because that's when FH proposed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting engaged and making the decision to be debt-free before our wedding.
9. What was your biggest failure
Not making enough money to pay the bills properly.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Sort of, dealing with a Diabetes diagnosis in 2011.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
2008 Dodge Caliber so FH could drive the Kia to work.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ours because we finally made some adult decisions in the last few weeks.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed
I refuse to name names but I am very disappointed in my family right now.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and restaurants. Sadly, we go out waaaay too much.
15. What did you really, really, really get excited about?
Getting married. Until we realized getting out of debt is priority #1.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Anything by Rhianna because I can't stand her or 2012.
17. Compared to this time last year are you:
Happier? Happy with my love but not my life.
Thinner? Don't care about my weight. I'm healthy.
Richer? Much poorer and sick about it.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Saved money and put it toward the big bills.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Going out to eat. Spend money anywhere.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I sat miserably watching everyone else open gifts.
21. How did you spend new years?
Played Cards Against Humanity with my roommates and friends.
22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Still in love with the same guy from 2011.
23. How many one-night stand
0
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Revenge
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I hate no one.
26. What was the best book you read?
11/22/63 by Stephen King
27. What was your biggest musical discovery?
Florence and the Machine
28. What did you want and you got?
Pink engagement ring.
29. What did you want and not get?
Debt free
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pitch Perfect
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
Maggiano's dinner with FH.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Paying off our loans.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
I have none.
34. What kept you sane?
FH.
35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Patrick Dempsey
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Blah
37. Who did you miss?
My grandparents
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Jill (haven't met in person yet)
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?
That you can't trust people.
40. Quote or Song Lyric that sums up your year:
You can't always get what you want...
Sharing less to live more...
One of my immediate goals in 2013 is to be more selective of who I share my life with. For the longest time, I would share any details with anybody, anytime. Lately, that has proven to be unsuccessful in the department of making me feel better. So I'm taking a new approach. From now on, it's just the FH who knows the important parts and if someone wants to know how I'm doing, they can ask me.
This means no cryptic Facebook posts that lead people to believe there is something serious going on with me when in reality it's probably just me freaking out about bills...Again.
I'm really hoping this particular "resolution" sticks because I'm sick of getting nowhere and feeling like I complain all the time.
This has got to be FH's favorite of my goals (even though he would never admit that).
This means no cryptic Facebook posts that lead people to believe there is something serious going on with me when in reality it's probably just me freaking out about bills...Again.
I'm really hoping this particular "resolution" sticks because I'm sick of getting nowhere and feeling like I complain all the time.
This has got to be FH's favorite of my goals (even though he would never admit that).
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